6.24.2006

Larry's (Blanca's?) Rain Party

I actually dragged my butt out of the house today. Actually, my mother did, as it was her birthday and we were heading down to my aunt and uncle's. My uncle, Larry (and this is not the obnoxious one I mentioned in a previous entry), was throwing his annual party where he invites his colleagues (and some family members) to come and bring food. Sounds fun, right? Well, I did not think so, as I threw one of my hissy-fits. This clearly shows I have not become the adult I prefer to think of myself as. In the end, I did enjoy myself at the party. *sigh* Adolescents.

Once at the party, I followed my aunt, Blanca, around as usual. She is fairly used to it by now, as I have been following her for years. It is her just dessert for having a niece like me. (I have simply been itching to use that phrase.) Plus, one of her and Larry's friends, Frances, was not around to hold my attention. Apparently, he is currently in Chicago.

While Blanca and I were fishing (yes, they have a pond!), she told me that Frances really enjoys sharing conversations with me. I suppose I was somewhat shocked, as I do not find myself a great conversationalist. Usually, I make better points when I am able to think things through first, and then write something in an essay. France's opinion of me may have to do with the last time I stayed the weekend at Blanca and Larry's. Frances and I were up past one o'clock discussing languages (as he is interested in linguistics), countries, and his plans for teaching at Iowa State. Which comes to another shock: Blanca notified me today that Frances decided against teaching. I am still unsure what I think of this, but alas, he found the other teachers to be pompous. I quite like that word. Pompous. Pom-pous. It bounces off the lips quite nicely.

I finally used Blanca and Larry's new hot tub. I borrowed a wrap-around one piece from Blanca's stash. I have worn it once before while swimming in the pond, which was when she told me her mother had made it for her. Tonight, she offered for me to keep it. I turned down the offer, as I do not swim enough to use it. Not that I would not want it, mind you. I cannot explain my idiotic reasoning.

It rained most the time I was there, which was what made the hot tub feel so great afterwords. Before Blanca and I headed in to warm up, I was walking around in soaked clothes. They were not completely wet, but the back of my butt and thighs were drenched. One lady joked that I should use the restroom next time. Even my sweatshirt was wet enough to nullify its purpose of keeping me warm.

Blanca wants to have more parties to bring the rain. She has her rain parties, I have my rain dance. Now all I need is chest paint and a loin cloth.

6.23.2006

Blasted Dream Catcher

Warning: Dream Catcher's At Fault. Have you ever found that no matter how many of those little "dream catchers" you hang around your room, you still have numerous nonsensical dreams? (And I demand for nonsensical to be a word!)

Well, alas, as I do not have a dream catcher here at my mother's house, I cannot blame last night's dream on the blasted thing. Oh, I can blame all the dreams I have at father's house on it (for I have one there looped around my window crank) but not the dreams that occur while sleeping at my mother's.

I never have understood dreams. Are they truly suppose to mean something? If so, we must now evaluate what I remember of last night's dream.

Water: There was quite a lot of water in this dream. I specifically remember several showers running at the same time. Perhaps it was telling me to wake up and rush to the bathroom? When I woke up, I did have to go, but that is beside the point.

Cousin Without Face: Usually I can tell who is in my dreams. Apparently, this cousin of my wished to stay anonymous. Perhaps it means that people fear me and like to avoid me. Very well, I can be scary, no?

Obnoxious Uncle: I have no idea why my uncle was in my dream. All I remember is that I came up with a brilliant plan. I believe I (with the help of Cousin Without Face) loathed him in the dream, and decided to fix a showerhead in front of the entrance. The only problem I see now is that it was facing the entrance to the shower. So, what can this be telling me? That I do not like my uncle (which is quite true) and no matter how hard I try, I will never be rid of him? Aye, aye!

It is imperitive for me to admit how my analysis accomplished absolutely nothing. Joy.

6.22.2006

Unhatched Dragon Eggs

I have just realized that I have been counting my dragons before they hatch. I am way over my head in this one. Oh dear, where shall I start? The beginning is too far gone... Well. Although I have three more years of high school to go, I already have decided that I would very much like a major in English. As I wish to be a novelist some day, it appeared the most suitable option. Once in New York after college, I would work for a publishing company.
 
That was my ideas then. They are still my ideas, but now I have realized one itsy bitsy problem: not only will finding a job be difficult, but there are not many jobs for English majors. At least, not jobs that I would find acceptable. I wish to be reading manuscripts as an editor or sifting through coverletters for something excellent to publish. Well now, that is not very likely, eh?
 
So here I am, dragon eggs still have yet to hatch. I counted them too soon.

What's a Blogger to Do?

I have noticed how it appears I have abandoned this blog, but truly, this is not so. I simply have... ignored it. The problem is that I have considered switching to Livejournal, as more people tend to use and update their Livejournal blogs quite often. I may eventually make the switch (for I have already created the account). If not, I will continue to update this blog here and there. Perhaps I could update both, eh?
 
As it is, I have recently read Eragon and Eldest of the Inheritance Trilogy by Christopher Paolini. I am currently squirming in my seat, anxious for the third and final book to be released. And, did you know, there is going to be a movie of it? At first, I was quite excited... but now, I am slightly appalled. Although I have not seen the trailer for said movie (and I do believe the trailer has yet to be released), and have merely seen a picture of the cast dressed up as their roles, I noticed several off-putting things. Arya, the lead-female, has light colored hair. When I noticed this, I quickly jumped out of my seat and opened Eragon, where Arya is first mentioned, to make sure I was not mistaken. She has midnight black hair, not hair of a light color! And, I noticed she did not have pointed ears in the picture, when Paolini clearly made note several times in his book that she did, and that was the characteristic that set her off as being an elf.
 
Now is the point where I breathe deeply. Yes, yes, I get quite passionate about many things. Woe to the man who wishes to court me. (Or, if he likes a passionate woman, then he may quite enjoy being around me.)
 
Speaking of books, I recently placed all of my books in my childhood bookshelf. When I did so, I decided to leave my childhood books in the basement, even the ones I read in fourth and fifth grade. Eventually, I would like to have quite a collection to put in the study of my future house. Ah, well, if I never have that many books in my possession, so be it. There is always the library, though library books tend to have an odd air about them. They tend to smell displeasing, too. (Not that I periodically sniff my books, mind you. But it is quite hard not to notice the smell of an object while holding it for many hours.)
 
I am quite an odd person, no? *snigger*

5.20.2006

This Upcoming Summer

I have created an extensive summer reading list, and am quite excited to have the time to read all that I wish to. Yet, although I do love to be left alone, I have already begun to become depressed that once school is let out, I will fade from the small social life I do have. What am I to do? I have not a job, nor a car, nor any money but a few dollars to my name. I have considered visiting some friends over the summer, yet it feels as if I barely know them. I am an outcast to myself, even.

Alas, I must find something to waste away the hours with. So far, I have decided to read, write, and take long walks on many a summer's day. I must appologize for my many complaints--yet who am I appologizing to, as not a soul regularly reads my blog?--as I do not mean to sound self-absorbed. And, as I do not know what else to speak of, I will list many of the books and novels I wish to read this upcoming summer:
  1. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
  2. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
  3. Emma by Jane Austen
  4. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
  5. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
  6. Portrait of a Lady by Henry James
  7. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
  8. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
  9. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
  10. A Room with a View by E. M. Forster
My entire list has a total of fourty books (instead of ten), and I wish to edit said list and add more to read. After all, what else have I to do? It depresses me of how little I am to enjoy this summer. I suppose some are not meant to be social, and I am a part of this selected few. I do not even wish to begin dwelling on my nonexistent love life, which means little to me now, but I do wish to someday meet a man who will be able to stand my stubborn temperment. Suppose I go into detail of this in another entry? Ah, I just may, and if it comes to it, then it is meant to be.

4.29.2006

Wishing to Write

Now, I made this blog as an unpublished writer. I remain an unpublished writer. And I shall now talk about my anxieties of life as a writer and studying English in college. I have yet to go to college, as I am merely a high school student, and a young one at that. I have my high school schedule planned to the end of my senior year, and am now attempting to plan more about college. Obviously, I will be going for an English major. I love to read literature and write fictional stories.

Unless you count research papers for school, it has been awhile since I have written something worth reading. It is not that I cannot come up with ideas, it is the fact that all my ideas appear to be written about in some way. I suppose that is what to expect, as there are many writers out there. For my first novel, I plan to write about a student/teacher affair. This taboo topic gnaws at my very core. I feel I must write about it, or it will eat me alive. The problem is the actual writing that hurts me. What worries me is not the topic, nor the development of the characters (because I can be quite creative), but the way the issue is portrayed. I want to get it right the first time. Yet, I fear my novel will run off in another direction, dragging me with it.

Let me ask you this: has that ever happened to you? You know exactly what you want to write and how you want to write it, yet in the end it looks nothing like the original idea. Even my art does this. This year I did a self-portrait. In the end, my large forehead looked shorter, my eyes puffier, and overall, I looked like a rat. Is that how I see myself, then? Do I believe that I am a rat? This deffinately makes me question my views on life, even on myself.

Back to the idea of the student/teacher affair: how old do I make the student and the teacher? Should the student be in high school (which may be easier for me, as I am in high school) or college? Should the teacher be in his/her twenties, early thirties, or late thirties? Should the teacher be a male or a female? Should the student be a male or a female? Should it be a heterosexual affair, or a homosexual one? I do believe a heterosexual affair would be easier to write in this case, especially if the teacher was male. Plus, I can satisfy my homosexual cravings in other novels, as I plan to write about many different topics. Some are considered taboo, while others are normal.

I will morph the ordinary into extraordinary. I will write all. I wish to be a writer. Someday, I will fullfill this dream. I will get published, too. And many will be able to read my work under my pseudonym of B. B. Losee. (Or perhaps, by then, I will find a different pseudonym to use?)

4.05.2006

Unlike the Parents, and not Normal

Do daughters always end up like their mothers? Do sons turn into their fathers? Must offspring become their parents? For I feel different... I do not believe I am similar to either of my parents. I am not even similar to the one I call "sister". I feel as if I do not belong in this family of mine. I feel as if I must escape. But why? Is this normal?
Which brings it to another question: what is "normal"? How do you define "normal"? Is it possible? And, if so, does any portion of my life earn this title?
I decided to check dictionary.com for the definition(s) it provides. Here are two of my results:
  1. "Conforming with, adhering to, or constituting a norm, standard, pattern, level, or type; typical"
  2. "The usual or expected state, form, amount, or degree."

"The usual or expected" is "normal"? But, then, what is usual? What is expected? What is the bloody meaning of being "normal"?!

All I know (and I am sure of this) is that I am not normal. At all. And... I feel as if I do not belong. Anywhere. I must find my place. I must.

4.03.2006

Boxes and Minds... and Boxes?

I ought to be reading Romeo and Juliet for English (although, I did read it a month ago). I ought to be finishing my arithematic. I ought to be studying for my upcoming Spanish exam. I ought to be doing a variety of things, yet here I am, flattening out my butt while staring at the computer screen.

This is present day America: no more children outside, running around in sprinklers; no more schoolgirls completing their studies when they should; in present day America, we are all wasting the hours away by staring at boxes. I suppose it would not be so bad if we were staring at the birds outside, or even the wall. Surely the wall is a better passing of time than a box. Ah, but this is the future! Perhaps someday, instead of boxes, we will be staring at the sun. Yes, that may hurt our eyes, but do we appear to care anymore? Wait, what am I talking about?

I am losing my mind.

My mind... but what's in a mind? What exactly am I losing? Is it important? Or is it absolute rubbish that deserves to be tossed? Maybe it is neither, simply emptiness that does not exist. If I am losing emptiness, what is the point of losing something that is not already there? Oh, the questions!

Countries I Wish to Visit

I have never been all too fond of welcome messages, so I plan to spice this one up a bit (although, I highly doubt I will succeed at such a thing).

First, I must introduce myself: I write under the name of B. B. Losee. Someday, I will possibly publish under this name. Unlike some pennames, I did not choose this one randomly; My first two initials really are B. B. and Losee is the maiden name of my father's mother (whom died when I was merely six).

Now is the time some would go on to tell about their families, religion, place of birth, and all that boring biographical nonsense (although religion and family is most definately not always nonsense... I just happen to be in no mood to talk of those subjects at the moment). So, instead of listing off boring fact after boring fact, I will tell you information about myself that proves to be of actual interest.


The Places of Choice

  1. England - Well after college, and once I begin my career in New York, I plan to leave the United States of America to live in England. Here, I will build a name for myself as a writer, and eventually, if I become successful, I will quit my day job and solely write.
  2. Japan - Ever since I began to read manga (and watch the occasional anime), I have started to fall in love with the Japanese culture. I wonder if I can learn the Japanese tea ceremony? The language for this country is on my list of languages I wish to study.
  3. France - Who would not wish to go to France? There is so much history in the gorgeous country. And then there are the French artists...
  4. Italy - My mother had the chance to tour Italy with a group from a local vineyard. How jealous I was of her... but, I doubt she had the change to make love with an Italian! Oh, I do not even want to think of her doing so.
  5. China - I saw the Disney movie Mulan when I was younger and decided that I must visit the Great Wall of China and the country itself. Maybe I will study Chinese as well?
  6. Australia - The Crocodile Hunter! I used to watch that show! But, alas, that is most definately not the reason why I wish to visit Australia. It all started with the Winter Olympics, I believe, that happened several years ago there. I saw several camera shots of the country and have yearned to travel there ever since.
  7. Spain - Spanish class is one of my favourite classes in high school. And, what better, than to visit the country of the language I am learning? I may not have the opportunity to visit until I am much older (and by then I will forget a lot of what I am learning), but I must explore!
  8. Ireland - Although I do not know who my ancestors were and understand where they came from, I do know that a big part of my makeup is Irish (my ancestors also came from Germany and other countries, but I wish to visit Ireland the most).

I suppose there are many other places I wish to visit, but those are the first ones that currently come to mind. Hurrah for travel! Now I merely must finish high school, go to college, start my career, and make enough money to buy a plane ticket, place to stay, other necessities, and have enough left for souvenirs. It cannot possibly be that difficult, eh? (So it may be wistful thinking... I can dare to dream!) See you on the other side of the ocean, mate!